Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses in the United States and usually goes undiagnosed. My experience with depression started at a very young age. I always knew something was different about the way I processed my emotions. I have unfortunately been through many experiences that all ultimately led up to my lowest point of depression in the last year. Fortunately, I am here today to explain how mentally exhausting battling depression is. I never understood why there were individuals contemplating suicide, and remorsefully, some going through with it. I was very naive and almost insensitive towards the topic, until I experienced it myself. Like actually how could someone be so mentally checked out that they decide life is not worth living anymore? I understand and I relate more than you know, and I’m also here to say that IT WILL GET BETTER. Even though it seems like it’s never ending and there’s absolutely no chance things will never look up for you. Trust me, but most importantly trust in yourself. Time really does heal all. You are not supposed to be okay overnight. This is a gradual process.
What really helped me see light at the end of my treacherous tunnel was having faith. Having faith that all great things come to an end for greater things to begin. Having faith that one day you will no longer feel like a burden, no longer feel like a failure, no longer feel like you mean nothing in this world. You might laugh and think to yourself that you already do have faith or maybe it’s nothing you believe in. Maybe you find it hard to have faith because it’s something that is impossible to see. But you have to believe in something. You have to get past all the hurt, all the pain, and all the obstacles life keeps throwing at your ground, and have faith or believe that there is an endless amount of love the world has yet to give you. It’s always so much easier said than done, but once you realize that all pain and hurt is only temporary, it will be easier to take day by day that one day, you will be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.
In addition to having faith, I truly believe that you are your environment. Having a stable, trustworthy support system is beneficial to coping with depression. Your support system can be one person or it can be ten. My biggest support system is my mom. Opening up to her about my mental health has helped me feel not as alone, even when I felt like no one was in my corner. I was never able to truly tell my mom about my mental health issues in my teens because I felt like it wasn’t something that was normalized at the time. It’s made our relationship stronger than ever at 25 years old and I can’t believe it took me that long to figure it out. Open up to your close friends and family. Let them know what’s going on. During the lowest point in my life I was keeping everything to myself and hadn’t spoken to anyone about my feelings or the reality I was facing. I was spiraling, hard. If I hadn’t opened up to one of my close friends I would not be here today. Your people need to know what’s going on with you, even if it feels scary to say or talk about aloud. I felt so ashamed for so long for having these feelings, even having thoughts of suicide that I never let anyone know until I had a breakdown. I didn’t want to not be here, but I felt like I had no choice. I felt as though there wasn’t anything meant for me. For the first time in my life I felt defeated, I was tired. My thoughts kept going back and forth, racing at a million miles an hour. It’s like I had two people in my head and one was scared of the other. Your mind is a powerful thing, and sometimes you lose control. Being honest about your mental health, it could ultimately save your life.
I truly believe that one day, I will be more than okay. I also believe that one day, you will also choose to put your most sorrowful days behind you. There is only one of you on this earth. You have a purpose. You will spend almost your entire life finding so many reasons you are meant to be here. Find your reasons. Find what makes you light up inside. Spend time with people who make your hardest days worth going through.
You are needed. You are loved.
with love always,
yazmin
disclaimer: we are not licensed professionals. this is by no means any medical advice. what will work for you is not subject to work for other individuals. if you are suffering from a mental illness please seek professional help by alerting a loved one and dialing 988 in a crisis. please dial 911 for emergencies.